Kansans are smart

The Kansas board of education has see-sawed back into the science camp by voting to remove anti-evolution propaganda from its science curriculum. The nytimes.com story is here (requires registration; use bugmenot.com)

I guess the NY Times online edition is now like one giant blog (complete with Pulitzer-winning bloggers). Each story seems to have comments right on the same page. Of course, this story got lots of comments (gee, you wouldn't think New Yorkers would be quick to express their derision for, and superiority over, those nutty anti-science religious folks in flyover country, wouldja?).

But of course they are all so very witty. One of the commenters said: "If you promise not to pray in my classroom, I promise not to think in your church."

Past, present and future melting together

For those of you who may be linguistically inclined, or who have a basic understanding of grammar and enjoy humor, I present this piece of brilliance, written by Michael Kinsley. Originally titled "TV News Killing Our Precious Verbs", I think it was first published as a op/ed piece in The Washington Post in 2001. As soon as I saw it back then, I knew I had struck gold, so I copyright-infringed it onto my hard drive for posterity. But fortunately Slate has it in their archives, so I don't have to further infringe on any copyrights by re-posting in its entirety.

It is worth noting here my basic stance on grammar, spelling, usage, form, etc: While I believe that proper grammar and spelling are important (especially when using words to call someone else an idiot), and are generally a reliable indicator of the intelligence and/or level of education of the speaker or writer, and while I am a linguistic nit-picker by training and profession, I dearly love to invent words, use words incorrectly on purpose, play with crazy sentence structures, and such-like, and I believe language is something to be experimented with, improved upon, and enjoyed in its infinite variety. I also occasionally enjoy drinking to excess and babbling incoherently, at loud volume. So there.

Rap Lyrics I wish I had thought of: Part III

In honor of today's news, here's a small bit of one of the most underrated rap songs in existence:

I'm buzzin'; Dirty Dozen; naughty, rotten rhymer
cursin' at you playahs worse than Marty Schottenheimer

This, of course, from Eminem's Just don't give a F***, off of The Slim Shady LP. In my view, this song is without parallel in the realm of rhyming cleverness. There's not a weak rhyme in the whole thing.

There are also a lot of great examples here of internal rhyming (i.e., rhymes within a line), something that Eminem didn't exactly invent (especially since poets have been doing it (at least in English) for about 500 yrs), but did pioneer to a large extent in the context of rap.

I'm tempted to post the lyrics to this song in their entirety, and write 4 pages worth of annotations. But unfortunately, your humble blog author has a day job, and it's just not in the cards on this day.

Congress to Al Quaida: We support you!

Really just an excuse to post this funny graphic.

But so Tony Snow says that the congress maybe, possibly, intends to announce its support for Al Quaida with its proposed anti-Surge resolution currently under consideration in the Senate. He says: "What message does Congress intend to give? And who does it think the audience is? Is the audience merely the president? Is it the voting American public or, in an age of instant communication, is it also al-Qaida?"

Stoopid rhetoric, yes. But he also does have somewhat of a point. This resolution is P.R., pure and simple. It has no legal effect whatsoever. And it probably does give the insurgents in Iraq something of a morale boost.

But: (1) the insurgents in Iraq are NOT Al Quaida, at least that anyone knows of (if they were, I think the people of this country, myself included, would favor continuing the fight), and (2) the administration has maneuvered congress into this position by unilaterally imposing this new strategy and refusing to listen to competing viewpoints before announcing it. The administration has further made very clear its belief that congress has no power or authority to do anything in the circumstances other than publicly express its disagreement -- which is exactly what it is doing with this resolution.

This is a very strange state of affairs; one which the administration has brought about by its own high-handed methods.

Rap lyrics I wish I had thought of: Part II

From Ice Cube's It Was a Good Day:

Today was like one of those fly dreams
Didn't even see a berry flashin those high beams
No helicopter looking for a murder
Two in the mornin got the Fatburger
Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp
And it read, "Ice Cube's a pimp"
Drunk as hell but no throwin up
Half way home and my pager still blowin up
Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day

No annotation necessary on this one. Ice Cube used to be greatness (including his great performance in Boyz n the Hood), but now he's kinda lost it. I guess people mellow in their old age -- you know, stop packing heat, cut down on their 40oz consumption, star in dumb kids' movies, etc. Some day it may even happen to your humble blog author. But not today, my friend, not today.

Beware the ides of March

Watch the HBO series Rome while you can, people. It appears that HBO has lost a pile of money on this show, and so it will not be returning for a third season. Not surprising, since it is shot on location in Italy, and the first season, only 12 episodes, cost an exorbitant 100 million dollars.

The second season, of which the 5th episode airs tonight (Sunday), probably cost more. But this is an epic show, and all the money spent really does show up onscreen (especially if you've got HD plasma).

Be warned, however: even considering other HBO shows like The Sopranos and Deadwood, this show is over the top in terms of nudity, violence, cursing, and other fun FCC anathema.

Rap lyrics I wish I had thought of: Part I

From Nelly's Tho Dem Wrappas on the classic Country Grammar LP:

They all screamin my name, different shades and race
Take them all backstage and lett'em plead they case
Make a million like Jigga, standin in one place
SoundScan like Thriller without changin' my face

HipHopLawyer's Translation for Old White People (TM):

When I'm onstage singing rap, there's always a lot of girls of different ethnicities yelling "Nelly, you're great!"

So I invite all of these girls to come backstage, have them line up, and ask them why they should be among the small group I take back to my hotel suite.

I can make a million dollars, just like Jay-Z, but without having to sell out.

I can sell as many albums as Michael Jackson, but without having to get 50 plastic surgeries.

Sushi is good.

I'm not a connoisseur. In fact, I know very little about sushi -- other than it tastes good, and I enjoy the presentation and the whole little routine that goes with eating it. I've gotten minimally proficient at using chopsticks but it's still hard to use them for the larger fried-type rolls.

I've been trying to branch out with what I order, but my favorite is still probably the California Roll. I also like a lot of other rolls, and I'll eat some of the nigri pieces in moderation (these are the clumps of rice with the fish sitting on top).

I like to see how much wasabi I can mix into my little bowl of soy sauce without crying and having to blow my nose. In case you don't know, wasabi is a blob of stuff that is pretty much identical to horseradish except that it's green.

I have absolutely no valid

justification for posting this photo.

Update: Now that I think about it, this picture is posted for purposes of enhancing security. No wait, the security of our children!

"Security" is the new "Children"

Maybe you've seen the story about Nancy Pelosi and her government jet dust-up. Capsulized, the story is that Pelosi, as the new Speaker of the House, is now entitled to fly on military aircraft back and forth to her district. But because it is a long way from California to D.C., she needs a big jet in order to make the trip without a refueling stop.

Predictably, House Republicans have criticized the request for a large jet, seizing on the fact that it will waste energy, cause excess pollution, waste taxpayer resources, etc, in obvious contradiction to her stated positions on these issues. Whatever.

In rebuttal, the House Sergeant at Arms (this is apparently a bureaucrat charged with arranging these things) has issued this statement:

The fact that Speaker Pelosi lives in California compelled me to request an aircraft that is capable of making non-stop flights for security purposes, unless such an aircraft is unavailable. This will ensure communications capabilities and also enhance security. I made the recommendation to use military aircraft based upon the need to provide necessary levels of security for ranking national leaders, such as the Speaker. I regret that an issue that is exclusively considered and decided in a security context has evolved into a political issue.

Note the overuse of the word "security". Much like politicos in the past have used the word "children" to justify just about any lame-brained scheme under the sun (my personal un-favorite is Janet Reno's use of this justification for burning to the ground a house full of children), the new hotness is to shout, loudly and often, the word "security" in justification of all manner of ridiculousness. Because, see, much like the children of yesteryear, security is the most important and worshipful thing we can possibly have.

All work and no play

makes Jack a dull boy.

This, of course, is the phrase -- repeated over and over -- that makes up the entirety of Jack's novel in The Shining.

My father used to make frequent (copious, even) use of a typewriter. He would often type the phrase "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country" to test the ribbon, the platen settings, or whether the keys were oiled up right. Or just to warm up the fingers. Or probably sometimes just to get some words onto the blank page.

Of course, if you really want to test the keys, you will type "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." Because it contains all 26 letters (I am told this is called a "pangram").

I wonder if these phrases have fallen into disuse along with the typewriter. I don't use a typewriter, and never really did, but sometimes I find myself typing these phrases for no apparent reason.

Having solved all other problems...

the NY legislature turns its parental gaze upon the issue of protecting iPod users from themselves.

Our intrepid friends over at ...Get Off My Lawn beat me to the punch on this one, but I've a few things to add:

1. State Sen. Carl Krueger (D, Brooklyn) is clearly a grandstanding attention whore who, while being an idiotic asshat, clearly realizes that this proposed legislation has no possibility of becoming law but is good for getting his name kicked around in the local and national media.

2. Presumably there are already laws which prevent: (i) pedestrians from crossing intersections against a "Don't Walk" light, and (ii) vehicles from crossing intersections against red lights. Presuming the reliability of traffic signals, only if one of these existing laws are broken could there EVER be a pedestrian/vehicle accident.

3. As CNET points out, the Sony Walkman has been in use by NY pedestrians for about 3 decades already, so this can hardly be a new "problem".

4. Someone will need to explain to me how reading an email on a blackberry differs, in any relevant way whatsoever, from reading an article in the Wall Street Journal -- an activity that I suspect has been engaged in with some regularity by pedestrians in NY for, oh, let's say the last hundred and twenty years or so.

5. State Sen. Carl Krueger (D, Brooklyn) states the following: "This electronic gadgetry is reaching the point where it's becoming not only endemic but it's creating an atmosphere where we have a major public safety crisis at hand." While I don't have enough time, in my entire life, to tell you all of the things wrong with this statement, I feel it is my duty to point out that the word "endemic" means "belonging exclusively or confined to a particular place". Umm. Far be it for me to attempt to parse this absurd statement, but it appears from the context that perhaps the word State Sen. Carl Krueger (D, Brooklyn) was actually looking for was "ubiquitous" or "pervasive", which, according to my admittedly limited research, are actually opposites of "endemic".

I thought we had overthrown the Taliban...?

The Taliban appears to be making a comeback. According to MSNBC, a Taliban judge has sentenced at least 20 people to flogging and prison for attending a party where alcohol was served and men and women danced.

Oops, I'm sorry. Did I say Taliban? I meant to say, the royal government of Saudi Arabia. Those sentenced are among the 433 foreigners arrested in connection with this party. The rest are awaiting trial and/or sentencing. This was originally reported in an unnamed "state-guided" newspaper.

Perhaps what is needed here is a troop surge in Afghanistan to topple this oppressive regime. Damn, there I go again. I meant, the royal Saudi government. And now that I think about it, this regime is not at all oppressive. In fact, they are a bright and shining example of a freedom-loving democracy. Silly me. I do apologize for this.

But still, since we can't send troops or even issue a statement against this, maybe we could at least do something. I think what might be appropriate is to send Ren and Ariel (from Footloose, duh!) over there to give a rebellious speech in front of the city council or school board, or whatever, and then stage a rebellious old fashioned barn dance where everyone will learn lessons of tolerance and openness to new ideas. Yeah, that will work just fine.

Bob Saget lives a charmed life

I used to hate Bob Saget in a very powerful way. On that show with the Olsen twins he was so f'ing smarmy, with that uber-irritating family-ish smirkiness. But that I could despise and ignore. What really got him onto my most-hated list was his even-more-smarmy hosting of that America's stupidest videos show. Back in the day when I had basic cable and no tivo, I routinely came across this show, or was subjected to it when visiting friends. THAT thing drove me into a suicidal rage.

But this all changed when I saw Bob Saget in those couple or so episodes of Entourage. Then it became clear to me that the joke was on the pathetic producers and fandom of those shows, and that his incessant smirks were intended to include people like me in on his joke. He hated it as much as we did! But he was getting mondo $$, and his constant smarming was as if to say, "see? you can take comfort in the fact that I'm bilking these idiots out of a lot of money, and laughing at them, all the while, right to their faces!"

[Note that smirk on his face in the photo. If you will allow me to translate, it says: "No, I haven't crossed the line and tapped either of these two, but I sure as hell have tapped far more than my fair share of girls just as cute who weren't my co-stars and who have a better sense of what constitutes good makeup and healthy eating habits. BooYAHH!!!"]

So, props to Bob Saget. Here's hoping you enjoy your mansion, your expensive call girls, and your top-shelf chronic. Hoist a glass of that Cristal for all of us former haters out here.

Funniest name I've seen since...

Dick Trickle. Which is damn funny. But not relevant here.

So Hizzoner the mayor of San Francisco, who has the ultra-suave name of Gavin Newsom, has admitted having an affair with the wife of his campaign manager. Which really, you know, kind of shows a real lack of, uh, several things, but loyalty and self-control to name a couple.

But the real gold in this story is that the woman in question is named Ruby Rippey-Tourke.

HaHaHaHA!

I dare you to say that out loud a couple of times.

Or maybe my sense of humor is just stuck at around the 10th grade level.


UPDATE: Here's Arianna Huffington's take on the Newsom Affair. I tend to agree with her assertion that these types of stories are not "news" and should be left alone, though I think there are some valid counterarguments that would appear difficult to overcome. Probably deserves more thought.

By the way, is she right or left? I forget, and I think it is refreshing that her leanings were not obvious to me when reading the linked article.