Monday, January 29, 2007

Bigger is better!

Well, maybe.

The other night I watched a highly underrated movie called Idiocracy. It is a movie made by Mike Judge, and a very funny and good one, according to me. Here's a good review.

The premise of the movie is that Luke Wilson, average American, is frozen and wakes up 500 years in the future. In the future, everyone is much dumber, their brains having been smallened by the twin influences of reverse natural selection (i.e., stupid people breed faster than smart people), and unchecked consumer culture. All of which makes Luke Wilson the smartest person in the world (like, by far).

But so a major part of the plot occurs when Luke Wilson goes with his defense lawyer to Costco, where the object they are searching for is said to be. I am paraphrasing, but this colloquy follows:

Luke Wilson: "Do you know what section it's in?"

Defense Lawyer: "Yeah, it's over by consumer electronics, about an hour's walk."

Luke Wilson: "Are you sure you know where you're going?"

Defense Lawyer: "Yeah, I know Costco... I went to law school here."

So yeah, Costco is big. So very very big. I went there the next day (a coincidence!). It's like Super Wal-Mart, but super-sized, on steroids, as seen through a telescope.

Do you want to buy a package of toilet paper so big that it will not fit in your SUV? Would you be interested in a lifetime supply of dryer-sheets? Do you want to purchase enough bleach to fill every bathtub, sink, showerstall, and every other receptacle in your house 5 times over? Could I interest you in a five-gallon bucket of mouthwash?

Well, good. Because all that and more is available for your consuming needs, at Costco. But not just bulk consumables. No. Also: 80in HD-TVs, an array of eliptical machines, high-end designer sunglasses, performance automobile tires, Dom Perignon by the case, about half an acre of paperback airplane fiction, a 192pc socket set, and a box of 144 (one gross) frozen, hand-breaded, jumbo shrimp tempura.

They don't appear to actually have a law school. But I did notice a sign-up sheet for classes where you can learn to manage your small business's 401(k) program.

Costco even sells, for the low low price of $50 each, boxes of air, which you can purchase as a gift for a friend or loved one, said boxes purporting to contain memberships which will allow that friend or loved one to... shop at Costco!


Gleemonex said...

Heeeeyyyy! Idiocracy is next on my Netflix list! Rawk ...

I haven't been in a Costco yet, but I feel that day may be coming. My friends, instead of renting a bouncy house for their 4-year-old daughter's birthday party, BOUGHT one -- buying it cost only $10 more than renting one for the day. With deals like that -- and good labor practices, unlike Wal-Mart's -- who can resist?

HHL said...

My visit to Costco was one of the most shoptastic! experiences of my life up to this point.

I will be visiting its greatness again, regularly.

Anonymous said...

keep checking and let me know when that Schiester Degree is available, would ya?